Our little Fighter.

Saturday, 10 March 2012

BabyMoo wasn't planned. I was actually on The Pill when I realised that my my menses did not arrive as scheduled within that one-week window. I brushed it off initially, but for a nagging feeling that I could be pregnant. Now most mothers can attest to the fact that somehow they know, even before the missed period or the onset of morning sickness set in, that they are expecting. Call it mother's instincts, or whatever... but you just know.

Now - don't get me wrong. It's not that the husband and I weren't planning to start a family. We planned to have children only after we have settled on our living arrangements and have a semblance of family 'security' enforced before proceeding to provide a home for our children. We refused to get married just because our balloting exercise is successful, nor do we want to be dictated on when to get married for the same reason. We got married because we felt that we would be much happier as a unit. I wanted to stay with my Mum for the time being because I wanted to be close to her as she gets on in years... and we will get a house of our own when the right opportunity presents itself. My husband had no objections, and the ever practical him also mentioned that it would be much better to get a house in a preferred location if we were not bound by the need to do so just to seal the deal.

On my way to work, I dropped by the pharmacy (purely on the advice of that nagging feeling!) and bought a pregnancy test kit. Had the test done mid afternoon... and saw the two lines etched as clear as day in the few seconds as I held it in my hands. Even then - I couldn't believe it. The Pill is supposed to be 99.9% foolproof!

Until those two parallel lines presented itself.

I bought another 2 test kits. Of course... same results.

I called the husband at work.

Me: "I did the test. I think I'm pregnant."
Him: "What test?"
Me: "Pregnancy Test lah!!" "How?"
Him: "You got to stop smoking ah."
.......

I think he was as shell-shocked as I was. Cos a few minutes later - he called me again:

Him: "How are you feeling?"
Me: "Ok - how should I be feeling?"

Him: "If you're not well, go home, ok?"
(I have not complained of any discomfort or nausea, I don't know what brought that remark on)

Me: "Ya lah."
(in an effort to act nonchalant, and perhaps because the reality hasn't actually sunk in yet)

I texted my Mum next, expecting her to call me back screaming in joy, due to the fact that she (not my MIL!) has been bugging me for a grandchild.

No response.

Only an hour later, she called me from her office phone, and told me that she was in the Ladies when she read my message, and in her excitement and shock, dropped her phone into the bowl.
Of course... then she bombarded me with questions: How far along, Boy or Girl(!!!), How am I, Have I been eating properly, have I made a doctor's appointment, not to keep late nights, etc etc etc...

I was exhausted just listening to her :)

So... a week later, I made arrangements to see a gynae who is also a friend of Mum's (Mum works as a medical consultant at Mt Elizabeth Hospital, and so she is on a first name basis with most of the doctors there).

No fetal pole. No heart beat. Just a yawning, empty gestational sac.

Doc sat us down and explained to us about the possibility of me having  an anembryonic gestation (aka blighted ovum) whereby in the pregnancy, the embryo does not develop to become a foetus. However, since based on calculations, I was only 5 and a half weeks along, he would like me to return in 2 weeks for another check. In cases such as mine, there is a 30% chance that it will become a full fledged baby.

I didn't know what to feel, or how to feel. I was upset. Devastated... 2 weeks!! I want to stay positive, but its difficult not knowing for sure.

My husband, however, was so convinced that baby is inside, just playing hide and seek with us - before he decides to make his grand appearance. I even got angry with him for not showing the same reactions as I did. All he said was:

"Baby will be fine. Just you wait and see."
Me: "How you know?"
Him: "It's my kid. I just know." << claiming stake even before anything is confirmed!!

2 weeks later, it was with trepidation that I stepped into the clinic again. I couldn't sleep the entire night before, and truth be told, I've been having conversations with baby, disregarding the fact that it may, or may not be there to hear me.

The sac has grown an extra 7cm, and still no fetal pole or heartbeat.

Doc informed me that in cases of a blighted ovum, the gestational sac will have shrunk over these two weeks instead of enlarging. He said that he would like me to wait for another two weeks, so that we do not make a mistake, but he left the final decision up to us. My husband told him that we'd wait.

Another 2 weeks of nail biting days... and eating. My appetite was uncontrollable, to say the least. I told myself not to use the pregnancy excuse to eat more, but the hunger was a gnawing, persistent ache that would develop into a painful gastric if I did not eat. I crazed myself into thinking that I should be puking my guts out should this be an actual pregnancy - but no... I was putting on the pounds even though I was spreading out the amount I ate so that it won't be more than the usual.

At supposedly 9 weeks and 4 days (and on our 1st wedding Anniversary!), I returned not knowing what to expect. Saw the anaesthesiologist in the surgery room making preparations. My heart dropped to the pit of my (hungry) stomach.

Ultrasound check. Silence in the room. I was behind the curtain, Doc was checking, while Mum and the husband wait anxiously on the other side of the curtain.

Suddenly, Doc literally threw open the curtains (Yeah... ignoring me who was splayed spread eagled with legs on stirrups) and asked both of them to the monitor:

"Look! Tell me what you see!"
There it was, along with the numbers bleeping on the monitor... our baby.

So we decided that night, as we were enjoying each other's company and the new (confirmed!) addition between us, that if we were to have a boy, we would name our child "Caden" - for being the little fighter that he is. 




The meaning of the name Caden is Fighter
The origin of the name Caden is American


21 comments :

  1. Shirley Carley9 March 2012 at 13:40

    so cool! I am so excited for you! Shirley C

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  2. Hi Shirley,

    Not another bub! No... no... no :)
    This was recounting the first one.

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  3. what a fighter! and i thought mine started his first battle young at day one. ;)

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    1. Hi there!

      Thanks for stopping by... :)

      Yes... BabyMoo is still fighting now. Fighting against all the things we tell him NOT to do! Haha...

      Off to check your blog now. I realise that you went for the Mothercare sale, too.

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    2. Oh my... Just realised that Thaddeus and my son, Caden - was born in January 2011! :)

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  4. Hi Regina, your post brought me memories back in 2009 when I was pregnant with my boy. I have similar experience as you. My heart shouts for joy when my gynae told me that there is heartbeat during one of my follow-up visit. =)

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    1. Hi Carol,

      Thanks for stopping by :)

      Yeah... the joy (and relief) cannot be sufficiently described in words! It was the waiting that was unbearable.

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  5. Regina, it's god's gift ! Indeed a true lil' fighter who meant to be yours !

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    1. Yes, indeed... and I'm so glad it turned out well in the end!

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  6. An amazing story behind his name...As I read, I can't help but feel anxious too if the foetus would grow...and it did! You are blessed with such an adorable, beautiful son of a fighter now! Thanks for sharing! :)

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    1. Those were the most horrible 4 weeks of my life. The 'not knowing' really kills! I don't understand up till today why the hubs was so confident, though. He said: He just knew. (apart from: you think only mothers have instincts meh?) hahah!

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  7. The convo between you and your hubby is DAMN FUNNY! Hahaha. Caden is a fighter indeed.

    And men have this way of laying stake to every good gene that the kid has. My dad does it (says to me, "you are friendly just like me, got my genes", the hubby does it, "my girl is cute like me".

    Seriously.. -_-

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    1. YA!!! Why ah? The bad ones, if really so obviously them - they will stake claim on it with PRIDE also.

      9 Months in the tummy, it's all about Mummy. When baby's had, it's bragging rights for Dad!

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  8. Reg, your post brought a smile on my face. Ok, and some tears in my heart too. I got preggie beforr angel turned two, was eagerly awaiting another smooth pregnancy and healthy bb. Till we saw the empty gestational sac at 5 weeks when had some spotting. We were sure bb was playing hide and seek, so even when the gynae in sweden told us there was no chance, we fought on. I didnt give up hope, even when they told me i had a blighted ovum. I refused to go for a D&C, refused to take medicine to purge it out. My placenta was growing, my hcg was rising, somewhere somehow, i was sure my bb would appear. It took us over a month and five ultrasounds before we accepted the fact - the baby was gone. With it, it took a part of me. My heart ached like crazy and my tears were endless. I eventually went through the D&C op in sweden and they told me after that i had a molar pregnancy, and had to abstain from trying to conceive for half a year. Five months in, we tried just once and well, that one time did it, i got preggie again. We were happy but worried if history would repeat. At seven weeks, we did an ultrasound and my heart sank when i saw a blank sac once again. However, the gynae turned his probe, there and then, we saw her for the first time. Yes, she is Ariel today. Blessed Caden and what a beautiful name he has. Big hugs for sharing this beautiful story.

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    1. Awww!! Summer... I understand completely how heartbreaking it must have been! I never thought I would feel so much after finding out I'm pregnant, and never expected that I would want this baby to 'show' so badly!

      The doc told me that the body will naturally 'purge' it out if its not a viable pregnancy, and you know that feeling of dread, almost every second of the day, and going to the toilet half expecting to have to go to the hospital immediately. I worked (restaurant operations at that time) the whole time, thinking that if its not meant to be, please just end my misery. I suppose God had other plans, and I'm glad He decided to take a chance on us.

      I'm SO happy that Ariel is yours for keeps. We are blessed either ways! :)

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  9. This is a heart stopping story - despite knowing the ending! Caden's a fighter alright!

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    1. Yes... now he sometimes fights me. HAIZ.

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  10. Hihi..may I ask who is your gynae? Currently in the same situation but my gynae thinks I should do a d&c

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  11. Hihi may I know who is your gynae? Currently in the same situation and my gynae wanted me to do a d&c..

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    1. Hi there!

      My gynae is Dr. Choo Wan Ling at Gleneagles.

      http://www.drchoowl.com/

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  12. i'm diagnosed with blighted ovum (i had a mc this june also diagnosed with blighted ovum and this is my 2nd pregnancy) and was feeling really lousy until i came across to your blog and read this story which makes me feel hopeful all over again! i had my 2nd U/S yesterday and it was an empty sac but the sac grew as well. now it's the waiting game. i'm going back next week to do another round of scan before i make any decision.
    your boy is really a fighter and i hope my baby can be the same!

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