As much as it will be a milestone for him, it has also been 24 significant months of my life. Two years of interrupted sleep, learning to be patient (because there is someone far more needy than I am!), frustrations, revelations, dealing with tantrums, cries, illnesses and of always putting the little one before myself.
It has also been two years of laughter, smiles and joy, of bearing witness to the boy slowly being able to do the little things we would otherwise take for granted. Daily, weekly, monthly. He continues to amaze me with the depth of his knowledge, and his ability to grasp things. His reactions, his sensitivity, and his vivacious nature.
His favourite words now are 'YAAY!' and 'WAOoow!!', for things which he approves of, with the former always accompanied with both hands raised up with gusto. The latter is usually said with both hands clasping his chubster cheeks in an expression of genuine wonderment.
He sees things befittingly through the eyes of a child in the process of discovery, and his palpable excitement for the simplest things in life makes me appreciate the world around me a little more each day.
I have a love-hate relationship with his sensitive nature. He is very attuned to the vibes around him, and he is sometimes yet unable to deal with the way they make him feel. He has a fiery temper, is impatient, and is always intent on getting what he wants... even if it means that he will get a stern warning, or have privileges taken away due to his misbehaviour. He hardly throws a tantrum, but he shows his displeasure acutely by the way he chooses to simply walk away and give the adult who cramped his style a killer look, while contemplating what else he can do or how else to beguile the next unsuspecting 'nicer' adult so that he can ultimately get what he wants. He lays on the charm... and turns from being a kid of a few words, to someone who is able to say coherently: "Oma? Sweet! Plish? Fank Yeuh."
That said, this also means that I get tight cuddles, hugs, and random acts of love which will come when I least expect it. He will be watching his favourite DVD, and suddenly roll over to me to plant a loud, slobbery kiss on my face. "Mymmeh..." and he buries his face on my neck. I melt. Every time.
He knows when I'm upset, when I'm angry, and when he can catch me off guard to take advantage of the situation. He looks at me and gives me a huge grin - just because - and I return him that smile, both of us secure in the bond that exists just between us two.
I find myself hugging him tighter every night as he sleeps, perhaps afraid of him growing up too quickly, and that day will come when he will be too much of a big boy for him to need my physical assurance. I can't stop him from gaining his own ground, asserting his new found independence a little too much, and that emotional sense of 'losing' my baby can often be too much to handle. As much as I try to show him the world, I am afraid of losing him to the world.
He strides ahead in front of me confidently, sometimes turning back for the assurance that I'm still there with him. He climbs up up up at playgrounds, slides down with a squeal, and swings independently, refusing to let me hold on to him. He chooses his own shoes, sometimes shows his displeasure at my choice of outfit for the day, and makes a concerted effort to always comb his own hair before we go out.
He has his favourite toys, treats and sweets. He now knows better than to simply swallow everything which I attempt to feed him. He picks out a favourite cupcake, a dish from the pictures on the menu, and will only try a pair of shoes or an item of clothing if they were what he picked. He is his own little person, and is asserting this fact each and every day.
Even though there are trying moments (and there will be more) when he pushes his limits and makes me feel that motherhood can take its toll on even the strongest of women, there are more than wonderful moments which make it all worthwhile. When I look back upon these two years, I don't remember the tears, worries, helplessness and anger as much as I remember knowing what it is like to love someone more than life itself. A little more, each and every day.
As BabyMoo turns two, I am secure in the knowledge that no matter how old he is, he will always, always be my baby. Today I write to celebrate his two years in our lives, and what a wonderful two years it has been. He has a long way to go as yet... and I hope that we will always retain the memories while in the process of creating new ones.
My dearest, darling boy,
Every day you teach me something new. I'm a better person, wife, friend and mum because I want to make you proud. I'm still learning to be the best Mum that I can be, and if I falter along the way, I will learn from my mistakes, as much as you will, from yours.
It's okay to fall. It's okay to not be able to do things. As long as you've given it your all, you will know that you have tried. Like what I did. I know I'm trying to do my best with you. We will get into arguments, perhaps you may even question my intentions, or even if I care.
Just know this. I love you more than my life itself, and you are a very very special boy to me. You are the child which I never thought I'd have, but since I knew you were mine, not a moment goes by when I have not thanked God for the blessing that is you.
One day, you will find out how it's like to love someone the way I do you. But in the meantime, as long as I still have you all to myself... won't you save all your kisses for me?