Dear Me, (A letter to my younger self)

Thursday, 27 September 2012

Dear Me,
           I know it's not easy to survive the teenage years without having a father figure, but knowing you the way I do, I think you will do just fine. Whatever you do, please don't wallow in self pity, and neither should you use that as an excuse to get up to antics in a bid to gain extra attention. 
           Trust me, even if at this moment you feel that you are blindly trying to find yourself, you will eventually find your niche. Part and parcel of growing up is to experience failure, and even if you don't like people telling you that what doesn't break you makes you stronger - it really does. Once you get over the negativities, you will ultimately be tougher, more street smart, and be more able to handle situations better. 
           I want to tell you to not be obsessed with weight. So what if you weigh more than the average teenager? Look on the bright side... being a plus sized girl has made you look at fashion in a different way. You don't like to follow trends or fads - you dress to hide the flaws, and you are developing your own style, while always staying true to who you are. You may not realise it, but growing up surrounded by women who take pride in their appearance has rubbed off on you somewhat, and has made you comfortable in your own skin. 
           You were taught to love yourself, and you do. Sometimes a little more than you should, which makes you often seem like a self-centred angsty teen. It's perfectly fine to admit that you are wrong. You don't have to prove your worth to anyone - even more so when you often stubbornly hold your ground trying to prove that you are right. It can make one look silly... all that arguing for the sake of winning business. 
           That guy whom you're seeing is bad news, but I know that you are a person who needs to learn things the hard way. Mum has voiced her objection, and even your friends - between snippets of alternately being awed and shocked by his lifestyle - have told you that they don't think that you should be hanging out with him, either. You are buoyed by what you think is love... but there is a huge difference between love and being thoroughly drawn into a dangerously different life. I guess you will live and learn... not without your share of overwhelming heart ache and copious tears. 
           A decade later, you will realise that when you know all the bad traits of a person, perhaps even things which you find detestable under normal circumstances, yet find to your consternation that the faults doesn't seem glaring enough for you to mind. That's Love. Not heady all consuming passion, when it seems that every waking moment is filled with thoughts of him, and he's the last person you think of when you go to bed, and the first person whom you hope to see when you awake. In fact, I wish I can tell you (and I wish more that you will listen!) that the harder you fall, the faster the passion will peter off. It's so different when you learn to love a person through all that you experience together. So entirely different. 
           Get angry now, while you're still young and spirited. Be rebellious. Live life according to your rules while you're at it. Being morose, brooding and angsty as a teen is acceptable. You get away with it because you are supposed to be in the midst of puberty! When you hit a quarter of a century, stop -- because it isn't that attractive anymore. To throw tantrums then just makes you a perfect candidate for visits to that doctor with the nice reclining couch in his tastefully done clinic. 
           You have always been passionate, a real live-wire and even gung-ho to a certain degree. That said, I'm really glad of your stance against recreational drugs. Sure, you huddle in the cubicle with two of the best mates a girl can ever have growing up, while the cleaning lady yells non-stop because she sees plumes of smoke coming out of the cubicle. You would put a burglar to shame with your stealth as you tiptoe in and out of the house at ungodly hours and meet up with the regular group at Xanadu, Chinoiserie and Khameleon. You are not curious, neither have you any desire to dabble in narcotics or even the odd pill or two. I'm proud that you maintain your dignity regardless of how crazy the night gets, and I salute that fact that you know your limits and will never be caught in a state of semi-consciousness and oblivion, sprawled in disgrace at the entrance of a club. 
           You dream of independence, accolades, recognition and love. You will get those eventually... everything in due time, young lady. When it seems that the weight of the world is on your shoulders, the worries you face now is really negligible as compared to what you will be faced with in the future. You will be tested time and time again, but I'm confident that you will make it through every single time. Perhaps a little bit scarred, but never defeated. You have had many blessings in life. There is so much more that I want to say to you now, but you will have to learn life on your own terms. This is how you shape your character, and chart your own destiny. 
           Always give without reservations, and never expect anything in return. One day you will be so richly blessed, so much so that you will not even believe that you can be so entirely happy and be at peace with the world. I know that you adamantly proclaim that you will never get married, or worse still - have a family, but one day you will have both, and think that perhaps for all the wrongs that you have done, you have done some things right to deserve such joy. You will love unconditionally for the first time in your life, and that would be the beginning of the rest of your life. 
           You were born from love, you are loved, and you will be loved.
See you in 20 years. We'll reminisce over a cuppa or two.  


  1. Just need to say it again. Great post! Love it.

  2. Love how you wrote a letter to your younger self. I hope you found it eye-opening! Please feel free to share it on my website so my readers can enjoy it as well:

    1. Thanks, Ellyn.

      Will be my pleasure to share.




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